You know, there isn't a lot in this world that annoys me.........EXCEPT, when my precious little cat decides to relieve herself by taking a dump in her litter box. Now, normally, a cat will take a dump, politely bury it, and then proceed to walk away as if they had just accomplished some great work of art. However, my cat is severely lacking in the "good manners" department.

First of all, when she has to take a dump, she gets in her standard position.......butt arched and paws on top of her litter box. Her ears pull back as if she is grinning. I often wonder, "What on earth is she grinning about? Is there something she knows that I don't know?" Apparently so, because what she does next is something that pisses me off to no end.

Instead of burying her entire turd like a normal cat, she quickly brushes a little litter over the horrid, vile poop log and then she stops. She doesn't just stop....she looks over at me and waits until the ungodly stench hits me like a freight train, and then, with that stupid little cat grin, she runs out of my room like a terrorist who just left an explosive bomb. I have one of two choices at this point: I could sit there and die of poop fumes, or I can get up and take care of the problem. I always end up sprinting for dear life towards the cat box.....and sure enough, laying there inside the kitty box is a huge, twisted, protruding turd sticking out of the litter like a piece of brown toxic waste. If I look closely, I can sometimes see little pieces of Dorito Chips hanging out of the unholy poop log, almost as if little shark fins were swimming around inside the sticky, tootsie roll turd. Without hesitation, I am forced to pour half a pound of new kitty litter on top of that foul, stinky turd in order to cover up that putrid stench. Even that doesn't help very much, because the exposed butt candy has already been releasing poop fumes from the instant it left the pink anal cavity of my cat. So I then have to light at least three candles in my room to rid the air of these vile turd germs. With all the candles, it looks like I am conducting a seance in my room....all because my cat wanted to take a dump.

If I am really lucky, when it comes time to clean up her cat box, I always seem to find a petrified piece of cat crap that was scooped out of the box while she was trying to bury it. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's the turd that never stays in the litter box. It's like a little P.O.W. soldier that has escaped from a prison camp. By the time I find the decaying turd, it's as hard as a rock and already changing colors. I should hang it around a necklace and make an amulet out of it. Those little munchkins are so hard that I could literally use them as paper weights.

All in all, I love my cat. She is sweet and precious and gentle. But when she has to take a dump, she transforms into this evil, wretched excuse for a mammal. And the worst part is that she knows what she is doing. You can see it in her eyes. As those little, brown butt chunks drop into the cat box with a "thump", she looks at you with this evil grin as if you say, "Remember when you didn't pet me last night? Take this, you human......thump, thump, thump". It's like mini machine gun fire! I am a prisoner in my own house, subject to the mercy of my cat and her bathroom habits. No wonder I am so screwed up

 

 

 

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